The Perfect Man or a recipe for relationship meltdown?

Now no-one can say that I don’t take up a challenge. My great friend Jo of Slummy single mummy fame has tagged me in a post on the subject of the ten things I would look for in a partner. I am to sit around my cauldron cooking up a recipe for the ‘perfect man’ for me, despite the fact that as Jo well knows I already have a perfectly good chap who probably ticks most of the usual boxes. However, I have never been tagged in anything before and as she also tagged a male blogger, Mr Shev, who gamely came up with a thoroughly heterosexual list I  thought it churlish of me not to give it a go – albeit in a slightly unorthodox way.

Knowing my OH is brimful of confidence in himself, convinced he is still irresistible to women (trim, GSOH, non-smoker, likes meals out and long walks type of thing..) and determined to be the only man on the old folks coach trip to Minehead in 30 years time I thought I would go into the realms of fantasy. This is the man most likely to find everything he needs in me and I in him. We would  most probably have a very unhealthy and miserable time of it…

So

1) He mustn’t disapprove of a mild addiction to gin and chocolate.

2) He must wear a lot of black and NEVER tuck his shirt into his trousers.

3) He must be absolutely fascinated with Victorian and Edwardian London and enjoy trips up to the capital on a regular basis to look in libraries  – and not just read the rude bits….

4)  He must love poetry (including Keats if possible but being able to argue on the subject might be attractive..) and he mustn’t think me mad when I read it aloud to myself.

5) He must on no account want to do any exercise, but he mustn’t be a slob.  Good long walks in the woods or along a beach are totally acceptable.

6) He mustn’t mind when I want to call a pet a weird name

7) He must be an owl not a lark, or at least an owl that doesn’t mind getting up early in the morning.

8)He must be prepared to defend me to others, even if he hasn’t a clue what I am talking about or thinks I have finally flipped.

9) He must never ask me to get rid of precious books or look askance when the words ‘new bookcase’ are muttered.

10) He must not be incredibly rational and determined to explain everything. And he must definitely NOT try to tie up all the loose ends in films and TV dramas.

I don’t know anyone like this, and I suspect he doesn’t exist. It even feels uncomfortable writing it in a funny sort of way. The perfect partner is never about finding everything you want anyway is it? Whatever attracted me to my OH it wasn’t any of the above, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t perfect for me, and it would be a waste of time to try and fit him into this mould. Too many rugby shirts and a penchant for fact over fiction, truth over imagination.

But like Slummy single mummy, I am merely procrastinating. I must now have a very productive afternoon or I may find an advert in the personal columns: ‘Nearly 50yr old man, one unappreciative owner,GSOH, keeps in shape but will buy coffee and cakes for women on a whim. Also does all washing. Seeks anyone but my wife…’ I think he will have lots of takers…..

Photo: Smabs Sputzer