I have just been checking through my photographic record of our already well-documented two week break in Suffolk, and apart from the fact that I want to go back and take some decent pictures instead of the rather random ones I have ended up with, I have come to the disturbing conclusion that I am wearing the wrong, or too much, or just bad make-up. This horrific discovery has left me wondering whether a do-it yourself face lift using elastic bands and safety pins isn’t such a bad idea after all.
At what age should one decide to stop trying to paper over the cracks? When should you start using putty instead of a light skim? Why don’t they put a ‘Use before 45’ on the side of a black kohl pencil? When does blusher look more like rosacea?
My concern was increased recently when I shared a happy thirty minutes (good going for us at present) with my daughter watching a very old episode of ‘Friends’. Rachel’s female boss was attracted to Chandler, who agreed to go out with her but didn’t follow up because she was at an age when her mascara goes ‘clumpy’. What? When is that?! I find myself staring random women ‘my age’ in the eye for an uncomfortably long period of time now, counting how many eyelashes are sticking together.
I have always been a little concerned that in full make-up and red lippy I look like Eddie Izzard at his drag-iest. Or his sister perhaps, when my self-esteem is not too low. This can I think only get worse, as my plump cheeks descend rapidly down, Droopy style, under my chin. I remember a quote from the rather wonderful Anita Roddick who encouraged women to embrace their changing skin, wrinkles and all, as your face is your life story. B*****ks to that, but if is true mine is going to look a bit frazzled. My sister, who made an early decision not to have any children, is only two years younger than me, but on some days it could be ten. Her relaxed visage in photos is legendary, whereas I always look as if I am about to bite the photographer. This does not bode well.
So, back to make-up. What do I do? I am not someone who wants to pretend they are younger than they are. I haven’t got there yet, but I believe a 50 year old woman pumped full of Botox doesn’t look like a 40 year old. She looks like a 50 year old pumped full of Botox and if you like that look, then hey, go for it but it’s not for me. I don’t have the money for loads of expensive slap, or the inclination to spend hours gazing at myself to put it all on anyway. Perhaps I should just try hard to smile, be happy and not self-conscious. Confidence is sexy whatever your age. A tide line under your chin is not.
So, get those cameras ready. A smear of vaseline on the lense, a clever angle and a big beaming smile should do the trick. Just tell me if my mascara gives the game away….